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Boys
Will Be Boys
“Flashlights?” “Check.” “Face paint?” “Check.” “Anti-presence
detection garments?” Silence. Sensing confusion, Jim restated bluntly, “Camouflage
clothing?” “Check.” “Compass?” “Check.” “Emergency energy supplement bars?” Dan looked in the gear bag and then over at his sandy-haired
best friend. “Negative. Somebody
ate them.” Mart tried to look as innocent as possible. Knowing it was a futile effort, he shrugged
his shoulders, grinning sheepishly. “I
was in dire need of nutritional sustenance.” “Ski caps?” “Check.” “Universal…” Jim was interrupted by a knock at his bedroom
door. With a curt nod from their
fearless leader, the male BWGs stealthily assumed their preplanned positions.
Once they were all in place, Jim calmly called, “Come in!” Trixie, Honey, and Di bounded into Jim’s room to find him in a
chair, playing his harmonica. Brian lounged on the bed, scanning the recent
edition of Medical Monthly. Mart and Dan were seated by the computer,
engaged in a fierce battle of their favorite game, Ethiopian Ninja and the Pygmy
Punx. “What are the most honorable members of our club up to?”
Trixie asked, plopping down on the bed atop her eldest brother’s stomach. Brian let out a gasp of pain.
He shoved his sister off him, and then sat upright. “Jeesh, Trix. You could give a fella
internal bleeding sitting on him like that!”
He yelped again as Trixie whacked him in the ribs. Trixie sniffed indignantly as she
assumed ladylike position. “I’ll have you know, Brian Belden, I’m not nearly
as sturdy as I used to be.” “So, what’re you boys up to?” Honey,
knowing her best friend’s build was a sensitive subject, tactfully veered the
conversation in a new direction. “Not much. Just sitting around,” Jim
commented nonchalantly. Dan looked over at the girls, a grin
on his face. “I’ve been kicking Mart’s pygmy butt.” “I think you’re delusional, my
Ethiopian ninja nemesis!” Mart argued
good-naturedly. “I must insist upon a
rematch! Methinks my controller isn’t working properly.” Di giggled. “Gee, I really hate that we’re going to
miss a round of the Pygmy Punx, but we’re heading to Crabapple Farm for our
sleepover.” “And no boys allowed,” Honey added
sternly. “You’ve been officially
excluded from our slumber party.” “And here I had my curling iron and
eye shadow all packed in my Hello Kitty overnight bag,” Dan said, feigning
disappointment. “Well, in that case, Mr. Mangan, we can
make exceptions,” Trixie replied tartly.
“We need live bodies for our…experiments.” She gave a sinister laugh and rubbed her
hands together in wicked delight. “No, thanks!” Mart exclaimed. “You all can keep your giggling and hair
curlers and leg wax away from us, thank you very much.” “So exactly what do you girls do at slumber
parties?” Jim inquired, raising a ginger eyebrow. “Aside from all the giggling that keeps
everyone else awake at night, that is.” “Lots of stuff,” Di explained, her violet eyes wide. “We give each other makeovers and try on
weird clothes. We play Truth or
Dare. And we talk about boys.” Trixie giggled. “We eat
unhealthy portions of pizza and chocolate, and guzzle down gallons of
carbonated beverages. We listen to
music and dance in our underwear. And
we talk about boys.” “We watch so-called chick flicks which wouldn’t interest you
because they are violence-free, have a plot, and star incredibly hot
guys. And most importantly, we talk
about boys,” Honey added with a devilish grin. “So you talk about us,” Jim questioned, casting a furtive
glance in Trixie’s direction. Trixie snorted. “In
your dreams, Frayne.” However, a
tell-tale blush reddened her cheeks. “I was of the opinion that my cherished female sibling had a
yen for Ben,” Mart said nonchalantly.
“Perchance it’s the jesting Mr. Riker who consumes dear Beatrix’s
reveries.” “If you value your life, Mart Belden, you’ll never talk about
my ‘yen for Ben’ ever again!” Trixie warned huffily. “That was the worst Thanksgiving of my
life!” “Trixie had a ‘yen for Ben’?” Dan hooted. “I must’ve been out chopping wood for that
one.” “That was before you moved here, Dan. Trixie didn’t actually have a ‘yen for
Ben’,” Jim clarified, his defensive manner catching the attention of everyone
but Trixie. “She pretended to like
Ben. It’s a long story.” “Yeah, one we don’t need to hear again,” Trixie snapped. “I’ve suffered enough for my generosity.” “Trixie has been forever scarred by her Ben experience,” Honey
retorted loyally. “But we took care of Ben at our last slumber party,” tittered
Di. “We made a Ben-voodoo doll and she
unleashed her fury upon it.” Brian snickered in amusement.
“I was wondering how that disfigured Ken doll got all those stick pins
in him. Here I blamed it on Bobby.” “Well, consider it a warning to never cross us,” Trixie
admonished, crossing her arms. “Speaking of Bobby, which I think we were doing before the
squaw’s veiled threat, have fun with the little monster tonight, girls,” Mart
taunted. Trixie wrinkled her nose.
“I thought he was going to be at the Lynches’ with Larry and Terry.” “Ah, yes, but that was before the youngest Belden decided to
baptize Mrs. Lynch’s new Himalayan,” Mart explained. “Mrs. Lynch was none too pleased at the
destruction Fluffy wrought trying to evade Esquire Belden’s clutches. She banished Bobby from the Lynch household
for a fortnight.” “Oh, poor Fluffy!” Di cried.
“Mummy simply adores her new cat.
I’m sure she was very angry!” “Gleeps!” Trixie exclaimed.
“No wonder you boys wanted to stay here tonight. If we would’ve known the little horrorcane
was going to be home, we would’ve stayed here instead.” “Bobby’s always a perfect angel when we’re there,” Honey
soothed. “I’m sure he won’t bother
us.” Dan chuckled. “If
nothing else, Trixie can play the ‘Let’s tie Bobby up and see how long it
takes him to get loose’ game. He always enjoys that one.” “Yeah, I’m sure Jim would volunteer to teach her how to tie
special knots,” Di whispered to Honey.
“Love knots, that is.” Trixie jumped up. She
was quite talented at reading lips and did not want her almost-twin to hear
Di’s comments and elaborate. “Well,
honorable ones, we’re off to indulge in makeup, chocolate, and Ewan
McGregor.” “No, Tom Welling,” corrected Honey. “Wrong again,” Di giggled.
“Matthew McConaughey.” All of the boys, except for Dan who was enjoying his friends’
jealousy immensely, groaned and rolled their eyes. “You boys all have fun practicing your Boy Scout knots, or
studying just for the fun of it, or whatever else you responsible men do,”
Trixie teased. They said their
good-byes and the girls were off to Crabapple Farm. Jim listened for their footsteps on the stairs while the
others watched out the window. “All clear,” Brian affirmed.
They resumed their former huddle. “Okay. I think we were on
the last item of our checklist,” Jim continued. “Universal remote?” “Check.” Jim paced before them, holding a clipboard in his freckled
hand. “We have an important mission,
men. This assignment is a covert operation and absolute secrecy must be
maintained by all. “For the past couple of years, the masculine members of the
Bob-Whites of the Glen have earned quite a reputation. Responsible. Honorable.
Reliable. Unselfish. Dull.
Boring. But thanks to our
carefully planned caper, that’s about to change. “Tonight, men, we undertake a special mission. If we stick to
our schedule, we will prove, without a doubt, that we can be spontaneous
and impulsive, just as well as the girls.
Tonight, we refuse to be the responsible, honorable ones. Tonight, we will be the average teenaged
male. It’s time for Operation Couch
Potato!” Meanwhile at Crabapple Farm…
“Reinforcements have arrived,” Peter
Belden announced as he cheerfully entered the kitchen by the back door of the
house. He set down the pizza boxes he was carrying on the counter. A moment later, he was greeted by a chaste
kiss from his lovely wife. “Hey, you can do better than that,”
he nuzzled in her ear. A cough was her
discreet reply. Peter looked up to see
his curly-headed youngest son sitting at the table, staring at them. “I thought you were spending the
night at Larry and Terry’s, son.” Bobby smiled his most angelic
smile. “Boy, Dad, that pizza sure
smells good.” Peter loosened his tie and looked at
Helen. “Do I even want to know why
Bobby is here instead of at the Lynches’?” Bobby tried to sneak off, but escape was impossible. Having three older mischievous children
before Bobby, Peter was highly trained in escape tactics. “Stop right there, mister.” He looked Bobby square in the eyes. “What did you do now?” Bobby, having three older
mischievous siblings, was highly trained in negotiation tactics. He knew it was best to simply tell the
truth and throw oneself at the mercy of the court. “Well, it’s not actually my fault. It was Larry and Terry’s idea.” At his father’s stern smirk, he blurted,
“Well, maybe it was my idea. I don’t
remember. But anyway, we was just
sittin’ around and talkin’ ‘bout the capsizin’ they had at the church last
Sunday.” Peter’s moustache twitched. “Do you mean the ‘baptizing’ service?” Bobby nodded, his blond curls
bobbing. “Yeah, the capsizin’. Well, we thought it’d be a hoot to try to
capsize someone. Me an’ Larry an’ Terry
have already been capsized, and Peter nodded and tried his best to
keep a serious expression. “I can
understand that, son. Please
continue.” “Well, we tried to tell Mrs.
Lynch that Reddy wasn’t that dirty but she made us put him outside. She shoulda just let us,
‘cuz after Reddy got capsized he woulda been nice an’ clean. But we did what she said.” “Somehow I don’t think the story
ends there. Go on.” “Well, we hadta find a new candied
ape…” “Candidate?” Peter suggested,
finding it impossible to keep the slight smile off his face. “Yeah, that’s it. A new can-di-date for capsizin’. Well,
Larry said that his mom might not like dogs in the house, but that she gotted
a brand new cat.” Peter closed his eyes and wearily
rubbed his temples. “Would that be
Mrs. Lynch’s new purebred Himalayan, that was the daughter of the Cat
Fancy Magazine’s best of show champion, that Mr. Lynch paid a fortune
for?” “Well, Dad, I dunno ‘bout all that
junk. All I know is that Fluffy sure
didn’t like it one bit when we putted her in Mrs. Lynch’s big garden
tub. I gotted to be the preacher an’ I
stood in there with Fluffy. She wasn’t
nice at all, an’ started clawin’ me up an’ squallin’ somethin’
terrible.” He showed Peter his arms,
which were covered with cat scratches.
“I dunkded her real good, but then she took off down the hall like a
horrorcane! “Glass?” Peter raised his eyebrows. “Well, when Fluffy tookted off, she
kept runnin’ into junk an’ breakin’ it.
That wasn’t my fault, honest.”
Bobby batted his large, china blue eyes. “The ‘junk’ Bobby is referring to is
Mrs. Lynch’s priceless Ming vase collection,” Helen explained in a calm
voice. “That’s when Mrs. Lynch threwed me
outta the house. She said I can’t come
back for a whole two weeks.” Peter somehow managed to keep a
straight face. “Well, Bobby, that’s
fair. Later we’ll discuss your
punishment. Now go put some antibacterial
cream on those scratches. I hope you
learned a valuable lesson.” Bobby sulked to the bathroom. “I sure did,” he said forlornly, leaving
the kitchen. “I learned next time to
capsize Fluffy in the pool.” After he made sure his youngest son
was out of earshot, Peter burst out laughing.
“What’ll that kid think up next?”
Suddenly the back door slammed open and Trixie, Honey, and Di bounded
in the kitchen. “Gleeps! What’s that yummy pizza
smell?” Trixie asked, sniffing the air. “That is your dinner,”
Helen explained. “Your father and I
are going out to dinner and a movie.” “Oh, woe! Does that mean I’m stuck babysitting
Bobby? This is the last slumber party
we’ll be able to have before school starts!” Helen smiled and put her arm around
her daughter’s shoulders. “I suppose,
just this once, your father and I can take him with us.” “We can?” Peter inquired a bit
hesitantly. “Oh, Moms! You’re the greatest! I promise to dust every square inch of the
entire house tomorrow.” Trixie gave her mother a huge hug. “I just don’t deserve to have a mother like
you.” She and the other girls bounded
off to her room to set down Honey’s and Di’s overnight bags. “Gee, thanks, Helen,” Peter said in
disappointment. His wife came over to
him and wrapped her arms around her his waist. “I’ll make it up to you later, Peter
dear,” she whispered in his ear. Peter
wiggled his eyebrows at her, dipped her back, and kissed her passionately. Later on that night…
Trixie, Honey, and Di were in
Trixie’s room. Loud music vibrated the
walls; soda cans and empty pizza boxes littered the floor. Honey and Di had performed the miraculous
task of convincing Trixie to allow them to make her over. The tomboy groaned as Honey piled her sandy
curls on top of her head and Di globbed makeup onto her face. “It’s hopeless, guys!” she wailed. “You’ll never turn me into a glamour girl.” Honey whacked her on the shoulder
with the hairbrush. “Trixie Belden! Stop being so hard on yourself. You’re a
very pretty girl. Why, you don’t need makeup and a fancy hairdo to be
glamorous. You’re perfectly perfect just the way you are!” Trixie snorted incredulously. “And I’ve got a bridge in Di nodded, her silky ebony hair
bobbing. “Honey’s right. You’re just…
just oozing with natural beauty!” “Yeah, I’m oozing all right…
Ouch!” Trixie quickly snatched the
brush away from Honey before she was whacked again. “I was finished with it anyway,”
Honey giggled. She handed the makeup
mirror to Trixie. “Ta da! Even Dot Murray couldn’t hold a candle to
you, Miss Belden!” She hurriedly
placed her hand over her mouth. She
had forgotten what a sore spot the beauty from Trixie sniffed indignantly. “I will thank you kindly not to mention the
blonde bimbo’s name in my presence.
Liking two kinds of girls indeed!
Why, I should have taken that bracelet and… and… Oh, I don’t know what
I’d do with it. Darn that Jim Frayne
anyway!” “Well, I think you’re beautiful,
Trixie,” Honey said honestly. “And so do I!” Di exclaimed loyally. “And so does Jim.” Honey declared. Trixie gave her honey-haired friend
a warning look. “But you need something…” Honey began
digging into her overnight bag. “Oh! I brought just the right
thing!” Di furiously searched her bag, as well. Honey found a large, fuchsia feather
boa and draped it along Trixie’s shoulders, much to Trixie’s chagrin. Di triumphantly pulled a glittering tiara
out and dramatically placed it on top of Trixie’s sandy curls. “I pronounce you Miss Trixie gave another snort. “More like Miss Nonsense of Honey laughed. “I think we can come up with a better name
than that for our dear Beatrix. How
about Princess Supple Bling Bling!” The girls dissolved to the floor in
a fit of uncontrollable giggles. When
they could finally speak, Trixie gasped, “Where in the world did you come up
with that name?” “Well, you are wearing a tiara,”
Di commented, wiping a tear from her violet eyes. “And you are the supplest of
us!” Honey added. “Plus you’re the
only one of us who’s in a D cup!”
Honey dodged the pillow that Trixie flung at her. “Trixie, have you heard the legend
of Princess Supple Bling Bling?” Di asked as seriously as she could. Trixie sighed. “I can’t believe I’m setting myself up for
this, but no, Di, I have not heard the legend of (here she
wrinkled up her pert nose) Princess Supple Bling Bling.” Di’s eyes twinkled as she began her
story. “Long, long ago in a far off
kingdom, there was a princess named Supple Bling Bling. An awful spell was
cast upon her by her spinster aunt.
Princess Supple Bling Bling was forced to stay in the highest tower of
the castle, busily sewing and knitting every day. Only love’s first kiss could break the
fierce spell.” “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Trixie
interrupted. “And she kissed a frog
and the spell was broken.” “Now, Trixie,” Honey teasingly
scolded. “It’s not nice to
interrupt. Please continue, Miss
Lynch.” “Thank you, Miss Wheeler. I was just getting to the good part. As I said, only love’s first kiss could
break the spell. One day, the dreamy
Red Woodsman was riding his noble, black steed in the forest. He heard a cry from deep in the woods and
raced upon his stallion to the tower.
He found Princess Supple Bling Bling suspended from the tower, hanging
from a scarf she had knitted. One by
one, the purls were coming undone, and the beautiful princess would fall to
her doom. “Quickly, the dreamy Red Woodsman
positioned his supple form beneath the tower to catch the princess as she
fell. He easily caught the damsel and
looked at her fondly. ‘My dear, special
Princess,’ the Red…” Di was smacked by Trixie’s other pillow. “All right!” Trixie exclaimed. “Enough about (once again she wrinkled her
nose) Princess Supple Bling Bling and Jim!” “Jim?” Di repeated innocently. “Why, I was talking about Regan. Whatever do you mean, Beatrix?” Once again, Di and Honey collapsed in
laughter. “I much prefer Ewan McGregor,”
Trixie said, her nose upturned. “Must be the red hair,” Honey stated
matter-of-factly. Trixie ignored her by grabbing a bra
off her dresser and filling it with corn chips from the bag lying on her bed.
“Eewww!” Honey squealed. “That is so
gross!” Trixie snickered and ate a chip from
her impromptu bowl. “What? It’s clean!
Better than dropping crumbs all over my bed.
Gotta use those D cups for something.”
She hastily flung off her feather boa and tiara. Di spied a postcard lying on
Trixie’s dresser and squealed. “Oh! Is
this from Hallie?” Trixie nodded, swallowing a big bite
of corn chips. “Yeah. She and her family are on vacation in “I just love dolphins!” Di cooed. “Did you know that dolphins are the
only mammals besides humans that mate for fun? All other mammals mate purely for
reproductive purposes,” Honey said in a scholarly tone. Trixie and Di looked at Honey in amazement.
“Where did you hear
that, Miss Wheeler?” Trixie inquired archly. “Brian told me. He was studying reproduction for one of his
college classes.” “Those Belden boys are such bad
influences,” Di giggled. “Exactly what else has my oldest
brother been teaching you, Honey?” Trixie asked with a straight face. “N-n-nothing!” Honey stuttered, her
face tinged a becoming beet red. She
flushed a deeper shade of crimson as Trixie and Di doubled over laughing. Helen picked that precise moment to
knock on the door and enter Trixie’s bedroom.
“My goodness. It sounds like
you girls are having fun. What’re you
giggling about?” “Honey was just telling us some
interesting facts that Brian told her,” Di said, trying to bite back a
chuckle. “Yeah, that he learned in college,”
Trixie added saucily. “He’ll have to share it with the
whole family, since you girls found it so amusing,” Helen said with a
smile. “Who wants some of my homemade
fudge?” “Fudge!!!” all three girls
exclaimed, nearly knocking Helen down in their haste to retrieve the tasty
chocolate. “Thanks, Moms!” Trixie garbled, her
mouth full of fudge. “Your fudge is
the best!” “Did you and Mr. Belden and Bobby
have fun while you were out?” Honey asked politely, daintily eating her piece
of the delectable dessert. “Yes, we had a nice time,” Helen
affirmed. “Diana, please tell your
mother how sorry I am about what Bobby did to her cat.” Di laughed. “I’m sure she won’t be mad at Bobby for
long, Mrs. Belden. He’s just too cute
for anyone to be angry with. One flutter of his big blue eyes and he’ll be
back in Mummy’s good graces. Besides,
I’m sure Daddy wishes Bobby would’ve drowned Fluffy. He and Fluffy aren’t exactly the best of
friends.” “You girls have fun. Bobby’s already in bed, and Mr. Belden and
I are going to watch TV in our room.
You ladies can go downstairs and giggle as loudly as you want to.” “Goodnight, Mrs. Belden,” Honey and
Di chimed. “Night, Moms!” Trixie gave her
mother a kiss. “Thanks for the yummy
fudge!” “It’s perfectly perfect!” Honey
added as Helen left the room. “Gleeps! Moms was sure in a hurry to
get to her room!” Trixie exclaimed.
“Why, it’s almost mysterious!” Di and Honey giggled. “Only to you, Trix,” Di laughed. A puzzled expression crossed
Trixie’s face. “What do you mean?” Honey grinned. “I’d hurry off to
bed, too, if I had such a hottie husband waiting for me!” Trixie’s horrified expression made
Honey and Di giggle even more.
“Yuck! Major ICK factor! My dad is not hot!” “Yes, he is,” the other two girls
chorused. “On the hotness scale of one to ten,
Mr. Belden is at least an eleven!” Honey hooted. “More like a fifteen!” Di exclaimed with
a dreamy sigh. “Yeah, those dreamy brown eyes and
that dark, wavy hair.” Honey sighed.
“Just like…” “Just like who?” Di prompted. “Just like my oldest brother,
perhaps?” Trixie laughed, poking Honey in the ribs with her elbow. “Gee, I wonder what the boys are
doing now,” Honey stated, her mind obviously straying to a certain tall,
dark, and handsome member of their club. “Mart’s probably eating,” Di
replied. Her mind was apparently on a different male BWG. Trixie chortled. “Knowing Jim, the boys are probably doing
something very honorable. I’ll bet at
this very moment, they’re sharpening their pencils in anticipation of the
beginning of the fall term next month.
Or maybe making a birdfeeder out of a pinecone and peanut butter.” “You’re probably right, Trixie,”
Honey answered. “I’m sure they’re being responsible Bob-Whites this very
moment.” Meanwhile after dark…
“Do you have to hum the tune to
‘Mission Impossible’?” Dan whispered, poking Mart slightly in the ribs. “For your information, Mr. Mangan,
this melodious anthem is propagating the ambience essential for our ambiguous
mission,” Mart quite eloquently stated, adjusting the green ski cap over his
newly grown blond curls. He had heard
through the grapevine (actually the air duct during a slumber party) that a
certain violet-eyed brunette favored blond curls to a buzz cut. Since that night, he had forsaken his crew
cut and let his hair grow. “Did I get enough of this paint on?”
Brian asked, shining a light on his green and black covered face. Jim curtly nodded. “I think everyone is well-camouflaged. Let’s hurry down to Brian’s jalopy.” Brian still had the old car he had
purchased from Mr. Lytell. It was becoming quite an eyesore, much to the
chagrin of his family. Tom Delanoy had offered to teach Brian the basics of
automotive refinishing in a blatant attempt to get the rusting old heap
sanded and repainted, but lately Brian had been too busy. The paint scheme
currently consisted of more primer and Bondo than paint and metal. The
original color was indeterminable, since the paint it did have was coated
with rust. Peter had been “encouraging” Brian to plunge in and refinish it,
since the jalopy was the first thing one saw when they pulled into Crabapple
Farm. Nonetheless, Brian loved his car, rust, primer, and all. The four males were clothed head to
foot in camouflaged gear. Military
face paint covered their handsome faces.
They stealthily moved in the darkness to Brian’s old car, totally
undetected by the Manor House residents.
As quietly as possible, Brian hopped into the driver’s seat and the
rest of the boys pushed the jalopy to the edge of the driveway. They jumped inside and shut the doors,
while the car coasted silently down the hill.
At the bottom of the hill, Brian started it up, and they drove past
the driveway to Crabapple Farm. “Hope the girls didn’t hear us start
her up,” Dan commented. “You know how
Trixie is. If she thinks anything
mysterious is going on, we’ll have Schoolgirl Shamuses on our tails.” “They’ll be too busy giggling to
notice us,” Jim assured. “Yeah,” Brian agreed. “When those
girls get together, they make so much noise that you can’t hear yourself
think.” “I worry more about our maternal and
paternal caregivers,” Mart said. “We’re covered there,” Brian
replied. “It’s Friday night.” A quizzical look passed Dan’s
face. “What’s that got to do with it?” “Coincidentally, Mart, Trixie,
Bobby, and I were all conceived on a Friday night,” Brian explained. “Ah, yes. I forgot that our overly-amorous forebears
regularly partake of nocturnal pleasures on the sixth day of the week,” Mart
elaborated. Still seeing the puzzled looks on
Jim and Dan’s faces, Brian said bluntly, “That’s the night they scrog.” Jim covered his ears. “Too much information, Brian! That’s a little more than I wanted to know
about the Belden family!” Meanwhile, Dan hooted with
laughter. “Scrog?! I’ve never heard it called that
before!” He continued to chuckle as Brian’s jalopy made its way down Brian pulled over to a wide spot on
the road hidden by trees. He parked
the car and they ran down the road on foot.
Soon they came upon Mr. Lytell’s store and adjacent house. They silently crept up to the house and
peered in the living room window. The grumpy old storekeeper was sitting on
the couch, still dressed primly in his trousers and button down shirt that he
wore in the store. He was reading the
evening paper and watching “Wheel of Fortune”. The male BWGs looked at each other
and nodded. “Let Operation Couch
Potato begin,” Jim murmured quietly.
He motioned to Dan who was carrying the equipment bag. “Are you guys sure about this?” Dan
asked softly. “If my probation officer
finds out, I could get into a lot of trouble.” “Nobody will ever know it’s us,”
Mart assured. “Come on, Dan,” Jim prodded. “This is our only chance to be wild and
crazy. Aren’t you sick of being called
honorable and responsible?” Dan thought for a moment, carefully
weighing his options. “All right. Let’s do it!” He dug inside the bag and
found the item for which he searched.
Finding it, he handed it to Brian.
“Here, Mr. Responsible. You
first.” Brian hesitated momentarily, and
then grabbed the object from Dan’s hand.
“If we get thrown in jail for this, Jim…” Mart silently chuckled. “Mr. Responsible is going to chicken out!” Brian glared at his younger brother,
and pointed the item in Mr. Lytell’s window.
“Here goes nothing…” The boys watched as Mr. Lytell
jumped in surprise. The old man
squinted his eyes and then rubbed them.
He curiously peered at the television set before him. One moment, he had been staring at Vanna
White turning over lit-up tiles. The
next, he was watching some bunch of hoodlums sing and dance in their
underwear on a stage. Brian laughed so hard that he nearly
dropped the universal remote in his hand.
“I didn’t think it would work!” “I told you it would!” Jim
chuckled. “Now change it back!” Quickly, Brian pushed a button, and
Vanna returned, flipping over all the D’s.
Mr. Lytell shook his head in disbelief. A minute later, Brian changed the channel
back to the head bangers on MTV. For
good measure, he turned up the volume so that the windows of the house were
vibrating from the noise. The boys
doubled over in laughter as the old man took off his glasses, cleaned them on
his shirt, then adjusted them on his face. “Look what he’s doing now!” Mart
gasped. Mr. Lytell stood and walked over to
the television set, where he picked up the remote control from the top of the
TV. He then turned down the volume,
changed the channel back to Wheel of Fortune, put the remote back
on the television set, and then walked to the couch and sat down. The boys rolled on the ground. “Do it again!” Mart urged when he
could breathe. “I don’t know…” Brian hesitated. Mart grabbed the universal remote
out of his hands. “If he’s gonna keep
his remote on top of the TV, he deserves to get up again.” He quickly changed the channel back to the
heavy metal playing, tattoo-covered band.
Mr. Lytell began saying something that the boys couldn’t hear. However, they were as good as Trixie at
reading lips. “I didn’t know Mr. Lytell knew that
many four letter words!” Jim chuckled.
They watched the old man once again trek to the television, get his
remote, bang it against his leg, change the channel back, place it back
on the TV, and walk back to his seat.
All the while he muttered intelligible profanities. “We’d better go,” Brian
whispered. “He’ll get suspicious
soon.” “He’d just blame that harum-scarum
Belden girl!” laughed Dan. The boys
sneaked back to a path along the main road.
They ran until they came to a red brick house. “Who lives here?” Dan asked, after
he had caught his breath. “It’s a new family that moved to
town recently,” Jim explained. “Do we want to play a trick on
them?” Brian questioned. “Mr. Lytell
has been mean to Trix all these years, so he kind of had it coming. But we don’t even know these people.” “How very honorable of you, my
introspective sibling,” Mart teased. Dan, however, agreed with
Brian. “I didn’t mind pulling Mr.
Lytell’s leg, but I’m not sure I want to harass a total stranger.” “I see what you mean, guys. But I saw this family at Wimpy’s,” Jim told
them. “The husband was rude to Mike
and said the food was disgusting. He
made an awful mess, and then he refused to pay for his meal. The whole time he was real nasty to his
wife and kids. He’s already gotten a
bad reputation around town. I heard he
hangs out with Olyphant and his gang.” The BWG males decided to go ahead
and continue with their prank. They
saw a large man sitting on the sofa in his boxer shorts and an old, ratty
t-shirt. They sneaked over to the big
picture window behind the couch where the man could not see them. Not only did they have a good hiding spot,
they had perfect access to the television. The man was slumped on the couch,
surrounded by beer bottles and junk food wrappers. Occasionally, the boys heard him bark out
an order to his wife, who would scurry about following his orders. They watched a small girl go over to the
man and show him her skinned knee. The
man yelled and waved his hand in an “I don’t care” manner. The little girl began to cry and ran away
to find her mother. Jim glared at the man and grabbed
the universal remote. “This guy
deserves all he gets,” he whispered in an angry voice. Inside the house, the man was
watching “Beach Bunny Bombshells Fighting Bad Guys”. He was glued to the set, totally enthralled
as a scantily clad buxom woman chased a drug dealer down a sandy beach. He cheered Bambi on as she chased the
hardened criminal. She caught up to
him and wrestled him to the ground.
The man was on the edge of his seat as the druggie grabbed the string
of Bambi’s bikini top and… An all male Russian dance troupe
performing live at the Kremlin? The man started yelling at the
TV. As if the four letter words did
not adequately express his anger enough, he threw in a few obscene gestures,
as well. He grabbed the remote from
off his beer gut and smacked it good.
He changed the channel back to the Beach Bunnies. Relieved that Bambi and the drug lord were
still wrestling, he quieted down and was glued to the program. He leaned up closer as the crook ripped
Bambi’s top and her… “I love you, you love me,” an
annoying purple dinosaur sang. By this time, the boys were rolling
on the ground, clutching their stomachs.
From outside, they heard the man yell for his wife. She came in the living room just as Jim
clicked the channel to the end credits of “Beach Bunny Bombshells Fighting
Bad Guys”. The boys watched as the man
shook his head and tried to explain what had happened. His wife just shrugged her shoulders and
left the room. The man took another swig of beer,
burped loudly and settled in to watch the next program, “Hot Ninja
Chicks”. Candy, the stripper
moonlighting as a secret-agent-ninja-warrior-princess was turning on the
shower. She tugged on her robe and… “Call now for your very own Best of
Barry Manilow CD or cassette, yours for only $19.95 plus shipping and
handling. When you purchase this
album, you’ll get such hits as ‘At the Copa… Copacabana… The hottest spot
north of The man threw down his beer bottle and
yelled for his wife again. She hurried
in the room, just as Candy was fully-dressed and applying too much
makeup. His wife put her hands on her
hips and listened as the man frantically gestured to the television. She shook her head in exasperation and left
again. The man picked up his remote and
rattled it. He took the batteries out
and shuffled them around. Then he
whacked it on the floor for good measure.
It seemed to be working. He
opened a bag of pork rinds and watched Candy miraculously fight three hot bad
babes at once. One of the women pushed
her in a tub of Jell-O, which was positioned conveniently nearby, and Candy
pulled the villainess into the tub with her.
They were clawing at each other and tearing off their clothes when… “Do you suffer from impotence? Maybe you are one of the many men who need
Viagra. Studies have shown…” This time the man was so flustered that he
left and dragged his wife into the room.
He sat her down on the couch where he had been, just in time to see
Candy get out of the tub of Jell-O.
The three naughty vixens were tied up with some rope that Candy
conveniently had stuffed in her bra.
The man began banging his head on the wall. His wife patted him on the shoulder and
handed him an icepack. He plunked down
in front of the TV once more, although this time a little fearfully. For several minutes, everything was
fine. Candy tied up her loose ends and
was heading to her day job. Just as
she was getting ready to perform her pole dance, the TV suddenly snapped
off. The man finally lost it and began
throwing his empty beer bottles at the television. At the sound of breaking glass, the boys
decided it was time to leave. “I think we’ve done enough damage
here,” Jim said, as soon as he could talk. “This guy is gonna need serious therapy.” “We’d better head back,” Dan
whispered. The boys began the long
walk back to the jalopy. “I wonder what the girls are doing,”
Brian wondered out loud, his mind straying to a certain honey-haired
neighbor. Mart snorted, eerily like
Trixie. “They’re probably gorging on
chocolate and watching their chick flicks.” “Yeah, starring Ewan McGregor,” Jim
muttered. “And Tom Welling,” Brian added,
unhappily. “Don’t forget Matthew McConaughey,”
Mart mumbled. Dan burst out laughing. “Geez, why don’t you guys wake up and smell
the coffee! Trixie likes some
redheaded actor. Hmm… I wonder why? And Honey likes the tall, dark, and
handsome serious guy? What a
coincidence! And Di goes for the
blond, blue-eyed guy. Whoda thunk
it?” Jim, Brian, and Mart merely
looked at him like he had grown a third eye, obviously not making the
connection. “Boy, you guys are dense. I’m glad I get to be the dark, mysterious
one who makes the rounds with all the Sleepyside honeys. I’m glad I’m not jealous over
some Jim curiously peered at Dan. “What do you mean? I’m not jealous.” “Me either,” Brian added, unhappily. “Nor I,” Mart mumbled. “So, how about we sneak to Crabapple
Farm and see what they’re doing?” Jim casually suggested. “Sounds good to me,” Brian agreed. “Methinks it would be sagacious to
verify that our feminine club members have not gotten into rascality while we
masculine ones have been indisposed,” Mart announced. Dan shrugged his shoulders, broad
from all his wood-chopping.
“Whatever. I just have one
question.” They stopped their movement
and everyone looked at Dan. “Jim,
what’s up with Trixie’s yen for Ben?” “Shut up, Mangan.” Much later, outside of Crabapple Farm…
One by one, heads popped up to peek
in the living room window at Crabapple Farm.
Brian had parked the jalopy far enough away that Trixie would not hear
its approach. They silently peered through
the window and saw the three girls huddled together on the sofa. Their eyes were swollen and they clutched
several tissues in their hands. A box
of Kleenex was nearby and several wadded up tissues were in the floor. “What are they watching?” Brian
asked. “I don’t recognize it.” “It’s ‘A Perplexing Existence’. I heard Uncle Bill’s girlfriend talking
about wanting to watch it on pay-per-view the other night. Uncle Bill apparently wasn’t up for it,
though,” Dan explained. “No wonder,” Jim muttered
distastefully. “It looks depressing!” Mart
exclaimed. “It’s your typical gut-wrenching
tearjerker. Four friends overcome all
their obstacles to achieve their dreams.
No hot babes, violence, or car chases.” “Boring!” chimed Jim, Brian, and
Mart. Dan grinned. “It does star your favorite actors…” “Ewan McGregor,” Jim muttered. “Tom Welling,” Brian added,
unhappily. “And Matthew McConaughey,” Mart
mumbled. “Yeah, some other guy is in it,
too. Some guy with really dark hair
and eyes…” Inside…
“This is such a wonderful movie!” Di
exclaimed, wiping a tear from her eyes.
“I just don’t understand why it didn’t win an Oscar.” Honey blew her nose in an extremely
ladylike manner. “Their loyalty to one
another is so touching! How they helped
their new friend mend his bad ways… I just love this movie.” “I can’t see why the guys wouldn’t
want to see this!” Trixie gushed, grabbing another Kleenex. “Ewan McGregor is so handsome as the abused
hero! His dream of helping orphans was
so noble. His character is so…supple
and sooo honorable!” “Ooh, Tom Welling is perfectly
perfect as the responsible friend dreaming of going to medical school!” Honey
dramatically sighed. “His character
has such a sensitive bed-side manner!” Di sniffed and wiped another
tear. “My favorite is Matthew
McConaughey’s character! He was just
sooo smart and used all those big words.”
She began fanning herself. “And
those blond curls and blue eyes! He
could tease me any day. I’m glad
Hallie recommended it.” Trixie nodded. “She said it was really good. Of course, she liked Orlando Bloom’s
character the best. She liked his
dark, sullen good looks, and thought he was an expert at chopping firewood.” Honey giggled. “You know, there is something awfully
appealing about a bad boy gone good!” Back outside…
Mart snatched the remote of the
bag. “There has to be something on
better than this! Maybe Playboy is
showing another episode of ‘Hot Ninja Chicks’!” Jim grabbed Mart’s arm. “This isn’t Mr. Lytell or some drunk guy
we’re talking about. The girls are
sure to catch us!” “Yeah, Mart,” Dan agreed. “I know we tease them a lot, but they’re
really pretty smart. They’ll figure
out that it’s us playing a prank on them.” Mart wiggled out of Jim’s
grasp. “You guys give them too much
credit! This is one mystery that
Schoolgirl Shamuses, Inc. won’t be able to solve.” He pointed the universal remote at the TV
and changed it to the latest action flick, “Dismember Me”. They heard the girls shriek as the scene
changed from Dr. Tom setting a broken bone with a make-do splint to Steven
Segal facing down the mob with only his beautiful, much younger
sidekick. “I think we can take them!” Steven
proclaimed, readying himself in a fighting stance. The boys chuckled as the girls
shuffled through tissues in search of the remote. Finally, Trixie triumphantly found it. Before she could change the channel, Mart
beat her to the punch, and “Going for new batteries,” Brian
guessed. Mart waited until Trixie was back in
the living room and just as she began replacing the batteries, he hit a
button and changed the channel to “Fishing with Bill”. The boys laughed as Trixie stomped up the
stairs. “She thinks it’s Bobby!” Mart
hooted. “That little booger gets
blamed for everything!” Trixie was
followed downstairs by her father, who looked very sleepy and none too
happy. While Honey and Di were gazing
at Peter Belden, who was dressed only in his pajama bottoms, and while Trixie
hurriedly explained what had happened, Mart discreetly changed the channel back
to “A Perplexing Existence”. The boys chuckled as Peter checked
the television and cable box. He
grabbed the remote, complete with fresh batteries, and calmly went through
the channels. It appeared then that he
sternly lectured the girls and walked back up to his room. The boys let the girls get settled
back onto the couch. Soon they forgot
their earlier TV troubles and were enthralled once more in their movie. In the movie, the four friends were busy
repairing a roof. Ewan skillfully slid
down to the ground, showing off his supple form. Jim leaned close to the window and watched
Trixie. Her china blue eyes bugged out
and her mouth opened. Jim thought he
saw a drool trail. “Change it! Change it!” he exclaimed as quietly as
possible while scrambling for the remote. Jim quickly clicked the remote to a
change the channel. A commercial for
men’s underwear… No!.. Men’s swim
competition… No!... An interview with Viggo Mortenson… Definitely not!... “Find something quick!” Dan
yelled. Finally, Jim settled on the
Senior Bowling Tour. The boys breathed
a sigh of relief. The girls were
panicking once again. They were having
a rapid-paced conversation. “I wish we could see their lips,”
Brian whispered. “I wonder what
they’re saying.” Suddenly, Trixie went over to window
and peered out. The boys ducked out of
sight, just in the nick of time. They
waited several minutes before peeking back inside. Trixie had once again joined Honey and Di on the couch. The channel was once again set on “A
Perplexing Existence”. The scene
showed all the male friends swimming in a lake. Soon, it centered on Matthew as he got out
of the water. His muscular form was
spectacular as he rubbed a towel through his blond waves. Mart fumed as Di began fanning herself
furiously. She faked a faint as
Matthew grinned impishly. Mart feverishly seized the remote and furiously punched the
buttons. Soon, steam poured out of the
object and the channels on the television began rapidly changing on their
own. “Run!” Jim commanded.
The male BWGs ran up the hill to the Manor House. They sneaked back inside as quietly as
possible and settled into the den where they were camping out. They waited nervously for any sign of
Trixie, Honey, and Di. An hour later,
they were satisfied they were safe and snuggled into their sleeping bags on
the floor. They were exhausted from
their adventures and fell into a deep slumber. The next morning…
Jim was having a lovely dream
involving a certain sandy-headed detective.
He heard a shrill whistle and jumped up, wide awake. “Good morning, beautiful.” He lay
back down and rubbed his eyes. Was he
still dreaming or was Trixie really in his father’s study where the boys had
“camped out”? Suddenly, he noticed
that his face felt funny. His
eyelashes felt stiff. He looked at his
hand and saw it was smeared with black gook and glittery green junk. He screamed and ran into the bathroom by
his father’s study. “Wait till he sees the green streaks we put in his hair,”
Trixie whispered tartly. “Is it morning already?” Dan tried
to shield the morning sun from his eyes with the back of his hand. “What the…!” He sat up and stared at his fingernails,
painted a lovely shade of purple. He
yelled and clutched his thick, black hair, only to pull out a collection of
pastel butterfly hair clips. He
screamed and ran into the bathroom. “What’s the racket?” Brian asked
groggily. He opened his eyes and saw
the girls standing nearby. He tried to
roll over but got tangled in a fuchsia feather boa. He wiggled loose and jumped up. A feather was tickling his lip, and when he
scratched it, his fingers were coated with a scarlet red substance, that
instinctively Brian knew wasn’t blood.
He screamed and ran into the bathroom. Finally, after all the commotion,
Mart raised his sleepy head. “What’re
you squaws doing here?” “We thought we would come up here
and fix you a special treat,”
Trixie said sweetly. Mart’s stomach rumbled. “Good.
I’m hungry. I haven’t had any
nutritional sustenance for hours. Hey,
where are the other guys?” Di innocently shrugged her shoulders
and batted her lovely violet eyes.
“Gee, I’m not sure. Maybe you
should go round them up so we can eat.” “I think they’re in the bathroom washing
up,” Honey added, a smile twitching at the corners of her mouth. Mart yawned and stumbled in the
bathroom. The girls heard him scream
and then he raced back into the study, followed by the other “male”
BWGs. “What did you do to me?!” Mart’s
face was flushed, beautifully enhanced by the rouge he had on his
cheeks. His eyes were wonderfully
accented by the electric blue mascara on his lashes. A sparkling tiara graced his golden head,
firmly secured in his curls. He was
frantically trying to remove a turquoise bra that appeared to be a D cup, and
smelled faintly of corn chips. The girls rolled on the floor
laughing at the sight the “boys” made.
After wiping several tears, Honey said, “You wanted to know what we
did at slumber parties.” Di giggled. “We thought we’d give you one of our deluxe
make-overs. Don’t you like it?” “Well, you know what the littlest
Belden’s motto is. Revenge is
sweet. Saccharine sweet,”
Trixie replied. “That’s what you get
for ruining our movie!” “Whatever do you mean, dear sister?”
Mart tried to look as innocent as possible, which was quite difficult
considering the bra, tiara, and makeup he wore. Trixie whipped a bag from behind her
back. “Exhibit A. A green ski mask found at the scene of the
crime, containing a dark red hair inside.” She glared at Jim. Honey pulled out a bag as well. “Exhibit B.
Keys to a certain jalopy found outside of the Beldens’ living room
window.” Brian patted his pocket
searching for his car keys. Not finding them, he quickly attempted to snatch
the keys, but Honey jerked them out of his reach. Di dramatically revealed a bag
behind her back as well. “Exhibit
C. A wrapper from an energy supplement
bar found on the road between Crabapple Farm and the Manor House. DNA could prove said wrapper was licked
clean by one Martin Andrew Belden.” Trixie pulled a piece of paper out
of her bag. “Exhibit D. A phone message from one Bill Regan
requesting his nephew, defendant Daniel Mangan, return his camouflage bag.” Honey slammed her fist on her
father’s desk. “And for our final
piece of evidence, I present Exhibit E.”
She held up the singed universal remote. “A remote able to change the channel on any
TV. Found outside the living room
window at Crabapple Farm. Previously, said
remote was in the possession of one James Winthrop Frayne the Second. Witnesses seeing the evidence in the hands
of Mr. Frayne include Mr. Matthew Wheeler, Mrs. Celia Delanoy, and Mrs.
Made…” “OK!” interrupted Jim. “We confess! We ruined your movie, you humiliated us,
let’s call it even.” Trixie giggled. “But you’re forgetting one detail. Last night I woke up Dad and he was pretty
sore at us. So we proved our case to
him this morning, and he has exacted his own sentence.” “You are hereby sentenced to two
weeks of Bobby-duty,” Di proclaimed, her eyes twinkling in amusement. Brian shrugged his shoulders.
“That’s not too bad. We can handle
that.” “But there’s more,” Honey
giggled. “Then some big guy came by
the house to see if anyone else was having trouble with their cable. He was kind of scary, so Mr. Belden told
him he thought it was fixed. After the
big guy left, Mr. Belden was really mad. He said after you were finished with
your beauty sleep, you are commanded to drive us into town so we can rent ‘A
Perplexing Existence’ since you ruined it for us last night. And you have to
watch it with us!” The boys groaned. “A fate worse than death indeed!” Dan
exclaimed, clutching his black hair and pulling out more pastel butterflies. “Oh, but there’s more,” Di
laughed. “Mr. Belden then went to
Lytell’s to pick up a gallon of milk.
When he was there, Mr. Lytell accused Trixie of messing with his TV. Mr. Belden assured him that Trixie was
totally innocent.” She paused
dramatically. “And when he came home,
he said we could give your car a make-over.” Brian’s face paled underneath the
heavily applied make-up. “What did you
do to my car?” Trixie snickered. “Don’t worry, big
brother. Dad thought you needed a little encouragement to start the work on
your car. He told us to paint it any way we wanted. He even provided the
paint.” Brian sat down and assumed the crash
position. “What did you do to my car?” he weakly repeated. “Oh, it looks bee-you-tee-ful!”
Trixie exclaimed happily. “We made sure to cover up all the little dents and
dings in it!” “Just like little band-aids!” gushed
Honey. Brian looked up in horror. “What.
Did. You. Do. To. My. Car?” He repeated the words slowly and seriously. “Congratulations, Brian Belden!”
Trixie stated in her best game show host voice. “You’re the proud owner of a
pink ’64 Ford Fairlane 500!” Brian collapsed onto the floor. “You
painted my car pink!!” Jim ran to get
the smelling salts. Trixie grinned, looking quite
pleased with herself. “Yup. And not just any pink, mind you. Pepto-Bismol
pink!” “With lavender flowers!” Di added. “And yellow happy faces!” Honey
squealed with delight. “Well, boys, we’ll meet you in the
car, which you left parked by the driveway to the farm!” Trixie blew them a
kiss, and then linked arms with Honey and Di.
They frolicked away, merrily singing the chorus of “I Feel
Pretty”. For once, even Mart Belden was
silent. This story
was CWP # 12. Elements included were:
1) the song Copacabana (commercial on TV), 2) a skinned knee (little girl in
story), 3) feather boa and/or tiara (both brought to slumber party), 4)
Phrase “I don’t care” (motion by the big, mean guy), 5) Being left out of an
activity (boys left out of the slumber party), 6) An exotic animal mating
ritual (I hope dolphins are exotic enough!), 7) Phrase “I think we can take
them” (used in “Dismember Me”), 8) Being mauled while serving chocolate (Moms
attacked while serving her yummy fudge), 9) An item being used for something
other than what it was intended for (Trixie’s impromptu chip bowl J),
10) A legend (Di’s story), 11) A frog and/or turtle (frog in Di’s story), 12)
Princess Supple Bling Bling (Honey’s name for Trixie), 13) A dance troupe
(the Russian male dancers), 14) Sending a postcard (the postcard from
Hallie), and the carry-over item (Several used throughout. One in particular
was Jim’s harmonica from #6) A big thank
you to my wonderful editors, Kaye KL and KayRenee! Kaye, thanks for finding all
those evil space gremlins! I missed
every one of ‘em! KayRenee, thanks for all the technical terminology on
painting cars! I’m glad my Trixie friends know so much! These
delightful characters were the creation of Julie Campbell and now belong to
RH. Medical
Monthly is a magazine I made up. Have
no idea if it is real or not. Ethiopian
Ninja and the Pygmy Punx is an old computer game my husband made several
years ago. I think Cat
Fancy is an actual magazine, but I don’t know if they host a cat show or not. BTW, my
five-year-old son really “capsized” one of our cats. He learned quite quickly that cats do not
like water. J “Scrog” is a
term my husband’s cousin made up in college.
I think we can figure out what it means. ;) “Wheel of
Fortune” is an actual game show. I did
not ask permission to use it, but they should thank me for advertising it. No permission
granted either to use the “ Vanna White
was once on “Wheel of Fortune.” Since
I haven’t watching it for years, I have no idea if she’s still on there now. For the
record, the channel-changing prank was based on something my husband did in
high school. Yes, it will work. My darling husband is now in the ministry. J “Beach Bunny
Bombshells Fighting Bad Guys” and “Hot Ninja Chicks” are my own
creations. They seemed like good male
chauvinist pig shows that the big, mean guy in the story would watch. Barry Manilow
is a singer that my mom listened to. I
have no idea if he actually has a greatest hits album or not, and if he does,
I don’t know if it actually costs $19.95 . Jello is a
dessert made by the company by the same name.
There’s always room for J-E-L-L-O! Ewan McGregor,
Tom Welling, Matthew McConaughey, and Kleenex is a
brand of tissue. Buy it when you have
a cold. Steven Segal
is an older actor who primarily stars in action flicks. I think he had a little trouble with the
mob. However, “Dismember Me” is my own
creation. If Mr. Segal would like to
make a movie by that name, he can contact me. J “Fishing with
Bill” is a pretend talk show my husband did as a child, when he wasn’t busy
changing people’s channels. J Viggo
Mortenson is an actor best known for his role as Aragorn. *sigh* Peptobismol is
a medicine that helps nausea, heartburn, upset stomach, diarrhea, etc. And
it’s used without permission, too! |
