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The Most
Wonderful Boy in Her World
Jim Frayne groaned as he hit the
snooze button on his alarm clock. Why’d
I set it, anyway? he thought to himself sleepily.
After all, this is the first day of Spring Break. Raking a freckled
hand through his thick, russet hair, he lay on his back, staring at the
ceiling. However, instead of the ceiling fan over his bed, he saw a vision of
sandy curls and china blue eyes. In less than an hour he would see his Shamus. The Bob-Whites had
planned a get-together at the clubhouse in honor of his and Brian’s first day
home. It would be great to spend time with Honey, Mart, Di and Da… Oh, who was he trying to kid? The only one he really wanted to see was Trixie. He sighed
happily, the mere thought of her name ringing the bells of his heart. “Trixie,” he happily murmured out
loud. He felt warm and fuzzy as his lips gently caressed the two sweet
syllables of her name. He hurriedly
showered and dressed, and then went downstairs. He saw his sister waiting at
the bottom of the staircase, holding a large picnic basket. “Hey, sleepyhead!” she greeted
cheerfully. “I almost left without you.” “I’m here,” Jim
grinned in the charming, lopsided manner for which he was known. “What’s in
the basket?” “Lots of stuff. Cook
made us a perfectly perfect breakfast to take to the clubhouse. It’s loaded
with doughnuts, pastries, and fruit, as well as a container of orange juice.” “Sounds good to me,”
Jim replied, unable to wipe the goofy smile off his face. Honey quirked a golden-brown
eyebrow at him as he opened the front door for her. “You’re in a good mood
today.” “Am I?” Jim asked
innocently. “Well, it’s just good to be home, I guess. I’ve missed seeing…
everyone.” Honey took a deep
breath then slowly exhaled. Unbeknownst to her brother, she carried a burden
much too heavy for her slim shoulders. Silently berating her friends, two in
particular, she carefully pondered her next words. After an audible gulp, she
casually remarked, “A lot has happened since your last visit.” “Really? Has
Schoolgirl Shamuses, Inc. been working on another high-profile case?” Jim
teased, as they walked to the gatehouse the Bob-Whites used for their
meetings. Jim’s easy, crooked smile broke
Honey’s heart. He had no idea what awaited him. After worrying her lower lip
a moment, she shook her head. “No,
Jim. It’s about Tr---” “Hey, Jim! Nice to see you,” Dan
greeted them, as he left the path leading from the forest preserve to the
Wheelers’ lawn. He quickly caught up with Jim and Honey and continued with
them down the trail leading to the clubhouse. Jim studied Dan carefully. Something seems different about him. Or
maybe he just seems nervous. That’s seems a bit odd, he thought to
himself. What does Dan have to be
nervous about? Attempting to shrug off his worries
about Dan, Jim answered, “Yeah, we got in late last night.” “I know,” Dan told him a bit smugly.
“Trixie told me.” “Oh.” Jim inhaled sharply, overcome
with primal envy. Finally, he rolled his eyes, exasperated by his own
jealousy. Relax, Frayne, he
thought. Trixie’s your special girl. Honey’s hazel eyes anxiously darted
back and forth from Jim and then to Dan. Her stomach began churning as she
wondered what would happen next. The three friends continued their
jaunt to the clubhouse; however, the lull in conversation was a bit stifling.
Honey breathed a sigh of relief as they arrived at their destination. Eager
to get out of the line of fire, she opened the door and rushed inside.
Thankfully, Mart’s cries of hunger broke the uncomfortable silence. “Finally, reinforcements have
arrived,” he muttered, taking the picnic basket out of Honey’s hands and
placing it on top of the table in the main room of the clubhouse. “I thought
I was going to waste away, waiting for you to bring our breakfast.” “No chance of that,” Brian teased,
patting Mart’s firm gut. “When you get older and your metabolism slows down,
you’re gonna be in trouble, little brother.” Mart snorted. “You’re probably
correct, as always, Dr. Belden. However, until that sad day dawns, I shall
enjoy my speedy metabolism every bite of the way.” Jim grinned, relaxing a bit as he
heard the Belden brothers’ good-natured banter. See? Everything’s fine, he told himself. “Glad to see everything’s normal,” he
commented out loud. “Honey had me worried that something weird had happened
while Brian and I were away.” Di nervously giggled. “Nothing
unwonted here,” she tittered. Jim arched a brow at the horrid
wrinkles in Di’s mustard yellow-colored T-shirt. She must’ve been in a hurry this morning.
And Mart’s vocabulary must be rubbing off on her… “The only thing ‘unwanted’ here is
you,” Mart muttered, clearly annoyed at the violet-eyed beauty. “Martin Belden, if you were any more
ignorant of the English language, your picture would be placed on an exhibit
on Cro-Magnon man,” Di fumed huffily. “Well, that’s my candied opinion, and
I’m sticking to it!” Mart argued. With a superior smirk and an exasperated
roll of her eyes, Di murmured, “A 5¢ gumball is of higher value than your
opinion.” Jim suppressed a grin. Ah, so that’s it! Mart and Di are
fighting. That’s why Honey’s so
upset… Suddenly, the loveliest vision he had
ever laid eyes upon captured his full attention. He wiped his sweaty palms on
his jeans and nervously licked his lips. “Hey, Trix,” he murmured, casting a
fond glance at the sandy blonde. Trixie looked up from the sampler she
had been carefully stitching. “Oh hi, Jim. I forgot that you were coming in
this weekend.” Jim was a bit disappointed, but he
shrugged his broad shoulders good-naturedly. “That’s okay. I know how busy
school is this time of year.” He leaned over to tug on “his” curl, but to his
great shock, Trixie swatted his hand away. He gasped as he gazed into her
annoyed blue eyes. “Is something wrong, Shamus?” “No,” she answered in an irritated
tone. “It just bugs me when you tug on my curls. I didn’t spend thirty
minutes on my hair for you to mess it up.” Jim’s chin hit the floor of the
clubhouse as he watched her pull a compact out of the pink, sparkly purse
that sat by her seat. After opening it, she critically studied her reflection
and fluffed her curls. Not being able to resist a bit of primping while she
had out her mirror, she pulled her favorite lipstick, Kotton
Kandy Kisses, out from her coordinating makeup bag,
and carefully applied it to her lips. After practicing her smile and blowing
a kiss or two in the mirror, she placed the lipstick and the compact back
into her purse. After she carefully set her handbag
on the floor, Trixie looked up and saw Dan striking a rather dashing pose by
the door. Jim’s emerald green eyes warily
followed the path her blue ones traveled. He nearly snorted as he watched his
dark-haired friend assume his best J.C. Penney pose. Any moment, he expected
to be blinded by a photographer’s flash, since it appeared that Dan was
posing for a magazine layout. He leaned over to comment to Trixie how
ridiculous Dan looked, when he saw her face. Hey! That’s the look she gives me! he gasped,
clutching his heart. And Dan’s not even
looking at her fondly! Jim cleared his throat, positive the
only logical explanation was that Trixie had become disoriented. “Did you get
any head wounds while I was away, Shamus?” He searched her face, obvious
concern casting a shadow upon his own. He paused for a moment, waiting for
her affirmative response, but none came. “Trixie? Uhh…
are you listening to me?” He bent over and waved a freckled
hand in front of her eyes. Receiving no reaction, he leaned down to carefully
examine her pupils to see if they were dilated. Much to his chagrin, he
noticed a trail of drool slowly trickle down her chin. Surely she’s
not drooling over Dan! his mind screamed in a
panic. That spittle’s reserved for me!
Like when I slide off of the clubhouse roof, showing off my supple form, or
when I call her Cinderella, or give her rides on my handlebars! She must be
confused! Her sense of direction always has been a little off… She obviously thinks she’s drooling over my muscular form! Jim’s gaze anxiously shifted from
Trixie to Dan. He gasped as Dan gave her one of his very best devastating
grins. The grin was followed by one of his flirty winks, guaranteed to make
the girls swoon. Swallowing the bile that had risen in
his throat, Jim decided two could play that game, and he cast Trixie his most
charming lopsided grin. There! That
should do it! Oh yeah, baby! Look at Uncle Jim. Thatta
girl… Trixie giggled as she looked
at him. Jim admired her coy expression, his heart fluttering in time with her
sandy eyelashes. Yes, yes, yes! Who’s
your Daddy n--- “Gross, Jim,” Trixie finally replied,
once her giggling had ceased. “You’ve got something green and leafy, right in
between your two front teeth.” The second her eyes
were off him (and unfortunately back on Dan) Jim raked his fingernail in
between his teeth and pulled out a nasty hunk of basil. Real swift,
Frayne. Way to go! You’re a real lothario, dude. Forgetting to brush your
teeth last night AND this morning, after eating Italian? How could you be so
dumb? Well, if your good looks don’t knock her dead, your bad breath will… After discreetly checking the
rest of his teeth for more spices, Jim looked back at Trixie. Her breathing
seemed a bit accelerated and her eyes appeared glassy. He was mystified,
until he saw her chin quivering slightly and her teeth nip at her lower lip. WAIT! I know
that look! That’s what she looks like
when she’s watching a Ewan McGregor movie! He turned his head
to the doorway where Dan stood. Jim’s blue eyes hurled daggers and steam
rolled out of his ears. His dark-haired compatriot had removed his black T-shirt
(which was already one size too small, in Jim’s opinion), exposing a rippling
set of pectorals. He flexed and posed in different positions, allowing each
muscle to be showcased. Practically hopping
up and down in fury, Jim ripped off his pink T-shirt and began posing for
Trixie. Time to whip out the big guns,
he thought, as he noticed her eyes upon him. Check out the pecs, Trixie baby… “Your fly’s open,
Jim,” Trixie murmured with disinterest as she stood and strolled over to Dan,
her shapely hips swaying seductively. Jim clutched his red
hair, in an effort to keep his hands from shaking. This day can’t possibly get any worse! he
moaned to himself. After calming down a bit, he reached down to zip up his
jeans. Oh, this is just great. Of
course, I’d have to be wearing Spongebob Squarepants boxer shorts.
And crap! Spongebob’s nose would have to be strategically placed… His berating thoughts were
replaced by howls of pain, as, in his haste to zip up his fly, some rather
tender flesh managed to find its way between the hungry teeth of the zipper
of his jeans. “Something wrong,
Jim?” Brian inquired, his dark brow creased with concern. “I’m fine,” Jim
squeaked, hoping nobody would notice his high-pitched voice as he released “Spongebob’s nose” from the steel zipper’s clutches. Brian shrugged, and
resumed his conversation with Mart, Honey and Di. After carefully
re-zipping his pants, Jim glanced back at Trixie and Dan. His eyes bugged out
as he watched the sandy blonde lazily run her hands along Dan’s bare, muscled
chest. She leaned closer to him, and whispered something in his ear. Whatever
words she uttered caused Dan to blush. Dan can blush? And worse than that, what did my special girl say to make Dan blush? Did
she call him *gasp* wonderful… Jim shook his head, traumatized by it all. Meanwhile, delighted with the affect
she was having upon Sleepyside’s bad-boy-gone-oh-so-good,
Trixie wiggled closer to him and began placing feathery kisses along his
collarbone. Dan leaned his head back and moaned in pleasure. His knees weakening
from the shock, Jim plopped down in the chair Trixie had vacated. However,
instead of his butt landing on the seat, it ended up on the floor beside the
chair. He lay helplessly on his back, his limbs sprawled about. He said a quick prayer, desperately begging
God to have mercy upon him and just kill him instantly. Groaning slightly, he sat upright. He
gingerly stood to his feet, rubbing his tender backside with his freckled
hand. All thoughts of his physical suffering ended abruptly, however, as his
gaze shifted to the doorway. He stifled a shriek by inserting the tip of his
fist into his mouth. He clamped his teeth around his balled-up fingers, as he
watched in absolute revulsion. Trixie had wrapped her arms around
Dan’s neck, and her shapely legs were snaked around his thighs. Dan’s left
hand rested on her backside, and he placed the other one around her waist, to
keep her from falling. Their faces were close together, and Jim shifted a bit
to the side to get a clearer look. What
are they doing? It looks like they’re…
But that’s impossible! Why, it took me years to do more than hold her hand!
Surely Dan isn’t *gasp* kissing her! Jim choked back the
tears as he watched Trixie and Dan kiss. Nothing
wrong with a little friendly peck on the chee… er, lips, he thought, trying to console himself. However, a steady stream of wetness trickled down
his cheeks as he watched, in slow motion, as Dan’s tongue entered Trixie’s
mouth. He hastily shielded
his eyes from the utter horror of the situation, but unfortunately it didn’t
help. He grimaced as he listened to their slurping and slobbering, mingled
with intermittent moans and groans. Sounds
like a make-out scene on a bad soap opera, he thought mournfully. No, it’s worse than a soap opera. It
sounds more like one of those porno films that the guys in the dorm suite
next to us watch. *moan* I think I’m gonna
be sick… Jim breathed a sigh of relief
as Brian looked up from his conversation and began gawking at Trixie and Dan.
Thank goodness! Responsible Brian won’t
let them keep this up. I got in trouble for casting Trixie an occasional fond
glance. I can’t wait to see what happens to Mangan for ramming his tongue
down her throat… “Wait just a minute!” Brian
yelled, hopping up from his seat and stalking over to the couple. Jim rubbed his hands
together gleefully and waited for the eldest Belden to knock Dan’s block off.
Maybe Mart
will help, he thought with an evil grin. Maybe they’ll dislocate Danny Boy’s shoulder. No wood chopping for
him for a while. Let’s see how those bulging biceps fare after a few months
of inactivity… He held his breath in
anticipation as Brian forcefully plucked Dan’s hand from off of his sister’s
backside. Oh, this is gonna be good… “Dan, being the responsible big
brother that I am, I must insist that you move your hand,” Brian commanded
sternly, still grasping Dan’s hand. Finally, he repositioned Dan’s palm much
lower on Trixie’s bottom, now allowing him to cup her butt cheeks. “There!” Brian
stepped back and admired his work. “That
position is much safer. I feel better knowing you’ve got a firm grasp on the
situation.” Jim’s mouth gaped
open as a dumbfounded expression covered his face. When he could finally
speak, he stammered, “A-aren’t you g-g-going to stop th-them?” Brian cast a
quizzical look at his best friend then shrugged. “Why would I want to do
that?” “Whenever I got
within two feet of Trixie, you whipped out the little rule book! I couldn’t
even hold her hand without you threatening my life!” Jim yelled, his flailing
arms expressing his frustration. Finally, he pointed his index finger in
Trixie and Dan’s direction and, attempting to ignore their ongoing devouring
of one another, he continued with his rampage. “But you’re letting Dan grope
her butt and play tonsil hockey with her, right in the middle of the
clubhouse!” Mart crossed his
arms in front of his chest as he defended his older brother’s actions. “It’s
a totally different scenario, Jim,” he snorted. “You are of the highest
integrity, noble, respectful of the weaker sex, responsible, cautious,
honorable, and not to mention, the most wonderful boy in the world. “On the other hand,
Dan is a brooding, mysterious, love-‘em-and-leave-‘em,
dark, rebellious, gang-affiliated juvenile delinquent. It’s obvious to
everyone that Trixie would be much safer in Dan’s hands than in yours.” Brian scratched his
chin thoughtfully, and then stuck his hand into his pocket. “Mart, you did bring up an important point that
we should consider.” Jim breathed a sigh
of relief, thinking that his best friend had returned to his normal,
over-protective self. However, that sigh of relief
ended as he saw what Brian now held in his hand. “I am the responsible one,” the oldest
Belden brother murmured, holding up a couple of turquoise square-shaped
packets, “so I expect Dan to be responsible, as well. With his colorful past,
who knows what VD he might have contracted? I mean, it’s better to be safe
than sorry, and we can’t exactly ask him his medical history now, since
Trixie has his tongue.” He chuckled at his joke, then tried to find a spot to
stuff the little foil packets. However, Trixie’s
legs blocked the pockets of Dan’s jeans, so that spot was ruled out. Not one
to give up, Brian examined them closely, then chose the perfect hiding place:
he hastily stuck his hand in between them, and tossed his offering into the
front of Trixie’s perfectly-ironed pink blouse. “He’ll be sure to
find them in there,” Brian grinned. Jim’s face froze in
a horrified stupor as he watched the rest of the Bob-Whites laugh. As if the
sight of two of their members making out was as common as rain falling on a
spring day, Brian, Mart, Honey and Di resumed eating their doughnuts and
chatting about their plans for the day. “Jim, you don’t want
your face to freeze like that!” Honey warned with a giggle. “C’mon over here.
I’m sure Trixie and Dan would like a little privacy.” The redhead
staggered to the table where his friends sat. Too stunned to even speak, he
took deep breaths in and out, trying to compute the happenings of the day. “Eat up, Jim,” Di
garbled, bits of a chocolate éclair escaping her mouth. She took the tail of
her shirt and wiped excess filling off her lips. “Yeah, Jim,” Mart
urged. “We don’t want to waste all this good food.” He offered half a jelly
doughnut to his red-haired friend. “Half a doughnut was my limit today. I’m
stuffed.” As if on autopilot,
Jim accepted the pastry, and took a bite. The cake part tasted like sawdust,
and the raspberry filling reminded him of bug guts. His stomach rolled; from
the doughnut or seeing Dan with Trixie, he knew not. “What are we going
to do today?” Honey asked. “I need to give Bud a bath sometime. Those little
cocker spaniels can get awfully dirty. I asked Miss Trask to it, but she told
me to do it myself!” Brian shrugged. “I
don’t know what we’re doing. I do
need to take the old jalopy to Tom. The engine’s making a clackety-clack
sound, and I have no idea how to fix her.” “You’re so dumb when
it comes to cars!” Honey snorted. “Yeah, almost as
dumb as Mart is when it comes to the English language,” hooted Di, as she
scratched her itchy scalp, then wiped the grease
from her hair onto her stained blue jeans. Jim dutifully chewed
his jelly doughnut, which was lying heavy in his stomach. With great
difficulty, he swallowed the bite, but he choked as he noticed what was going
on across the room. Trixie’s feet were
on the floor, and Dan’s hand was no longer on her backside, so that was good.
However, Dan’s dark head was tipped over while he nuzzled Trixie’s neck and
his hand was skillfully undoing the top button of her blouse. His nausea unable to
be abated, Jim hunched over, and hurled the contents of his stomach all over
the clubhouse floor. The heaving did little to appease his queasiness. Cries of disgust
were uttered from around the room. Finally, even Dan looked up from his
ministrations and gasped. After quickly fastening her shirt, Trixie turned
around, unaware that the buttons were not aligned properly (and that she had
lost her prophylactics). Totally revolted by what she saw (and smelled), she
buried her face in Dan’s shoulder. “This stench is
making me sick, Danny,” she replied tearfully. “Let’s get some fresh air.” Putting his muscles
to good use, Dan easily swept Trixie up in his arms and carried her outside.
Jim watched out of the corner of his eye as the rest of the Bob-Whites filed
past him, holding their noses and averting their eyes from the mess at his
feet. Once his dry heaves
had ceased, Jim collapsed into a nearby chair. He closed his eyes and leaned
back, totally exhausted from vomiting. He replayed the morning’s events over
and over again in his mind, trying to make sense of the mysterious
circumstances. “What a day,” he
muttered under his breath. “I feel like a character in a children’s fiction
series that’s being misrepresented by some uninformed writer who’s continuing
the series without even reading all the books.” He wearily stood,
tottered over to the window, and looked outside. His heart ached as he
watched Trixie and Dan. Out of the shambles of the destroyed day, a desperate
plan emerged. Setting his jaw in determination, he balled up his fingers into
a fist and strode outside. Ignoring the calls from his friends, he
mustered all his remaining strength and climbed up to the top of the
clubhouse. Once he had reached his goal, he stood atop the roof, placed his
freckled hands on his hips, and assumed a menacing stance. Crying out a
greeting, he drew all eyes to his position. “What are you doing
up there, Jim?” Trixie shrieked. “You’ll fall and break your neck! You should
know better than to impulsively get into dangerous situations! You’re so
irresponsible!” “If he does fall,
who’s going to call the doctor?” Brian asked, a
worried expression on his face. “For the life of me, I can’t remember what
we’re supposed to do in an emergency situation.” “Oh man, this is
making me lose my appetite,” Mart replied, looking a bit green around the
gills. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to eat at Wimpy’s.” “If Jim ends up in
traction, will I still be able to go to the library?” Di questioned, wiping
her runny nose with the back of her hand. “I was curious about deoxyribonucleic
acid and wanted to study the Nobel Prize winning double helix structure
proposed by Maurice Wilkins, James Watson, and F.H.C. Crick.” “All of those big
words are making my head hurt,” Mart whined, covering his ears. “Waa-waa!”
Honey bellowed rudely, rolling her narrow blue eyes. “Find someone who
cares.” After a brief pause, she called to her brother, “Go ahead and jump,
Jim! I dare you! No, no! I double dog
dare you!” “In an effort to win
back the affections of the girl I love, I will slide down from this roof,
using only the gutter for assistance, to the ground several feet below,” Jim
declared gallantly from his lofty height. “Stand back, and prepare to admire
my supple form.” He ignored Trixie’s
snort, and thankfully did not hear her mutter to Dan, “If he gives me another
orchid, so help me I’m calling Spider and getting a restraining order. And my
wrist’s still green from that ‘silver’ bracelet…” Casting one final
fond glance in Trixie’s direction, he attempted to swing himself to the
ground, just like he had that fall afternoon a couple of years ago. However,
unlike that fall afternoon a couple of years ago, somehow he missed grasping
hold of the gutter and, after he plunged off the edge of the roof, his front
half flip-flopped over, and he landed in an undignified heap on the ground
below. The fall knocked the
wind from him. Though he was happy to be alive, he hesitated to open his
eyes. Strangely enough, he didn’t hear any sort of reaction from his friends.
Maybe I’m dead, he wondered. WHACK!
Startled by the sensation of
being pummeled with a soft object, Jim’s eyes flew open. He warily studied
his surroundings. He appeared to be lying face down; however, the surface
upon which he lay was carpet rather than grass. Several crunched Pepsi cans were
strewn around him, along with a half-eaten bag of pork rinds, an empty box of
Little Debbie snack cakes, and the discarded crust of a BLT. Upon further
investigation, Jim saw various schoolbooks for subjects like Anatomy 105,
Psychology 101, and Biology 108. Several notebooks flopped
open, exposing hastily scribbled notes written on their pages. Hundreds of pens and pencils littered the
floor around him. In fact, one of them was digging in his stomach. With a
grimace, he rose slightly and pulled a mechanical pencil out from under
himself. Worst of all, a pair
of clean gym socks lay close to his face. After taking a deep breath, Jim
grimaced and muttered, “Make that a dirty
pair of gym socks…” WHACK! Jim carefully rolled to his back, and
then stared up, up, up into Brian’s concerned face.
“I’m alive!” he murmured gleefully. “Where am I?” Brian snorted and held out his hand
for Jim to grasp. After pulling his roommate to his feet, he said, “Where you
always are during the week when
we’re at college. In our dorm suite.” Jim looked around and joyfully
studied his welcome, yet messy, environment. “How’d I get on the floor?” “I think you were having some kind of
nightmare,” Brian shrugged. “You were making awful noises. I tried to wake
you, but I couldn’t. Finally, you fell out of bed. I was worried you had a
concussion or something when you wouldn’t wake up.” “So we didn’t go to Sleepyside for
Spring Break yet?” Jim asked hopefully. Brian lowered his brows in confusion.
“Of course not. We’re leaving after our last class today. We should get there
late tonight.” Jim ran over to the mirror in the
small dorm’s bathroom. “My eyes are green!” he shrieked in delight. Brian chuckled. “What color did you
think they were? Blue?” Jim ran back to the main room and
placed his hands on Brian’s shoulders. “Can you fix the jalopy?” he inquired
seriously. “What’s wrong with it?” Brian asked
in a panic. “I just fixed it last week!” “Yes!” Jim whooped, leaping around in
delight. “Are you feeling all right, Jim?” “I’m great,” Jim answered. “But if I was to be suddenly knocked
unconscious, would you move me?” “You never move an unconscious victim, Jim,” Brian lectured sternly.
“As a former boy scout, you should know that.” “But would Di know that?” Brian chuckled. “I doubt it. But no
doubt she’d dazzle the paramedics when they arrived to take the victim to the
hospital.” “What color would she be wearing?”
Jim inquired in a desperate tone. “Probably some girly purpley color,” Brian snorted. “And will Mart be hungry tomorrow?” Brian placed his hand on Jim’s
forehead. “Do you need me to take you to the emergency room?” “Does Mart still make everyone sick
with his endless mooning over Di?” Jim questioned, ignoring Brian’s concern. Brian rolled his eyes in exasperation.
“He sure does. I had to take a swig of Maalox after talking to him last night
on the phone. He went on and on about how Di wore her hair to school that
day. Like I care.” “Will Bud be there waiting for us?” “Who’s Bud? Should I know him?” Brian
scratched his chin, totally confused. “No, you shouldn’t,” Jim answered
with a happy grin. “He was gone before you got home from camp.” Brian sighed in exasperation, and then
began gathering clean clothes so he could take his shower. “I definitely
think you need a break, Jimbo. You’re cracking up.” “Wait!” Jim pleaded. When Brian
turned around, Jim nervously continued. “Just one more question, Bri. When we go home, will Trixie and Dan be… be…” “Be what?” Brian prompted. “Be happy
to see you?” Jim shook his head. “Be wearing banana suits?” Again, Jim shook
his redhead. “Be baking cookies?” “Will they be… making out?” Jim
quietly finished. “Will they be kissing, and will Dan unbutton her shirt, and
will you give them condoms?” “WHAT?!” Brian screamed, clutching his
dark hair in his hands. “What are
you talking about? Why are you giving my baby sister prophylactics?” “I
didn’t give her the condoms; you
did, but when Dan unbuttoned her shirt, they fell out.” Instead of whacking Jim with his
pillow, this time Brian hurled it at him. “You unbuttoned her shirt?” he
asked, through tightly-clenched teeth. Jim wearily rested his face in his
hands. After taking a few deep breaths, he clarified, “Dan was the one who unbuttoned her shirt. Not me. And I was ralphing too hard to do anything about it.” A perfect portrait of shock was
painted on Brian’s face. “What in the world are you talking about?” “I dreamed Trixie wanted to be with
Dan instead of me. They were kissing and fondling and doing a bunch of other
junk that I can’t even talk about. Then I had a honkin’
hunk of basil in my teeth, Spongebob’s nose got
caught in my zipper, and I fell off the clubhouse roof…” In spite of the pained expression on
Jim’s face, Brian doubled over in laughter. He chuckled until tears rolled
down his cheeks. Once he could speak, he placed a comforting hand on his
friend’s shoulder. “I’m sorry for laughing, Jim, but the
thought of Trixie with Dan…” He wiped another tear from the corner of his
eye. “That’s the last thing you
have to worry about, my friend. I talked to my little sister just last night,
and she gave a twenty minute speech on why she thought you were still the
most wonderful boy in the world.” Jim breathed a sigh of relief.
“That’s reassuring.” “By the way, Jim,” Brian added with a
wicked grin, “if you do unbutton my
sister’s shirt, you won’t have a place to put those condoms.” “I didn’t unbutton her shir---” “No, but you dreamed about it,” Brian
interrupted. Jim rolled his emerald green eyes.
“And you’ve never dreamed about Honey?” Brian opened his mouth to reply, and then
wisely clamped it shut. “My first class starts in forty-five minutes. I’d
better get in the shower.” Jim grinned in satisfaction, his
emerald eyes twinkling. However, the feeling of well-being ceased as another
thought came to his mind. He ripped off his green T-shirt and began
critically studying the well-developed muscles of his chest. “I wonder if I need to start chopping
wood,” he muttered as he appraised his pecs. As Brian turned to go into the
bathroom, Jim grabbed his arm. “Just one more question, Bri.
Am I still supple?” Brian picked up his pillow from the
floor where he had tossed it at Jim earlier. After whacking Jim with it
again, he muttered, “Don’t press your luck, Frayne. Wonderful, I can stomach.
But supple…?” he shuddered in revulsion, and then continued, “Don’t even go there…” Once Brian entered the bathroom and
closed the door behind him, Jim crashed on his bed. A horrid fear lurked in
the secret recesses of his mind. Never knowing what “evil plot twist” life
would bring next, his stomach churned as he contemplated a universe without
Trixie. A universe where Dan was
with Trixie. A universe where… He shuddered as he forced the thought back
into the deepest, darkest corner of his conscience. Not knowing what else to do, he
jumped up from his bed and ran over to the phone. He frantically pushed
number three on his speed dial. “Hello... Is this Sleepyside Florist?
Yes, I need to order an orchid… *sigh*
Yes, this is Jim Frayne… *groan* Yes, it needs to go to Trixie Belden on Glen Road… and you’d
better get there fast, if you know what’s good for you…”
Author’s notes: As you probably already
guessed, this is my idea of an April Fool’s Day joke! I mean, hey, how can
somebody named April NOT play an April Fool’s Day joke? *wink* Thank you to Kathy and Kaye
for doing a speedy, yet thorough, editing job on this one. Believe me; they
deserve some kind of bonus for editing this one. This was written while I was
on pain medicine, and made some interesting mistakes. Have you ever heard of
pork rinks? Me either! And I’d like to wish a great
big happy birthday day to my son, Sam! Happy birthday, little man! These characters are the sole
property of Random House, who refuses to share nicely and let me use them for
profit. So as the Cowardly Lion would say, “The noive!” I intended for this story to
be more serious than it turned out, but I had a bit of difficulty. For the
life of me, I couldn’t figure out how Trixie and Dan would interact with one
another, which creates a problem with their relationship. *G* As I continued,
the story got spoofier and goofier, so I finally
shrugged my shoulders and followed the muses. For the record, I adore Dan
Mangan. I think he’s perfectly perfect; however, I can’t write him with
Trixie worth beans. But have no fear, Dan fans. Sleepyside’s
favorite bad boy turned good will find happiness in my future universe (not
that he isn’t already having fun in my present universe J ). Cro-Magnon man is the term referred to the
remains of a prehistoric, Caucasoid-type of man found in the Cro-Magnon cave
in There are gumballs that you
can purchase for five cents, although with inflation, maybe the price has
risen to ten cents… Kotton Kandy Kisses is not an actual shade of
lipstick; however, for a slight fee, as well as a share of the royalties,
Revlon, Max Factor, or Cover Girl may use that name, after obtaining my
written permission. E-mail me for details. J.C. Penney is the name of a
large department store, found in malls across the And the “J.C. Penney pose” is
a joke between my DH and I. He likes to make fun of those guys who are TOO
coordinated and stand around looking at their watch or in some other totally
ridiculous-looking stance. Cinderella is a popular fairy
tale character and Jim calls Trixie that in “The Mysterious Code”. The
handlebar reference is of course from “The Mystery of the Castaway Children”.
And the sliding off the clubhouse roof reference is from “The Mystery Off
Glen Road”, as if you didn’t know that already. *wink* And unfortunately, the Uncle
Jim remark was made by one of the KK’s. *shudder*
That remark is responsible for more Dan fans than anything else in the entire
series. Ewan McGregor is a famous actor who I use constantly in my present
and future stories. I love running gags, if you couldn’t tell. Spongebob Squarepants is a popular cartoon
character on Nickelodeon. He lives in a pineapple under the sea. Absorbent
and yellow and porous is he… And rest assured, Spongebob’s
nose was in no wise injured during filming… *VEG* And yes, they do make Spongebob boxer shorts… And no, my DH does NOT have a
pair of them. Brian’s little rule book is a
reference to the list of rules he gives Jim and Trixie while they are
handcuffed together in my “All I Want For Christmas” story. If you haven’t
read it, go take a peek. It’s a fun one! The Cameo does not think that
Dan has a VD. That was just a good reason for Brian give them the uh… gift.
That is definitely NOT an evil plot twist or foreshadowing or anything like
that. It was just The Cameo’s usual utter nonsense. Throughout this story several
references were made to various KK mistakes… Jim’s “blue” eyes, Honey’s
“blue” eyes, Brian’s sudden inability to fix vehicles, and the reappearance
of Bud… Several other things were figments of this author’s imagination, such
as Mart’s loss of appetite, Di’s lack of hygiene,
Trixie’s sudden obsession with sewing, Brian’s ignorance regarding first aid,
Honey’s rudeness… Maurice Wilkins, James Watson,
and F.H.C. Crick did indeed win the Nobel Prize in 1962 for their DNA model. And of course, Trixie’s silver
ID bracelet didn’t REALLY turn her wrist green… Pepsi is a soft drink company
that makes several different kinds of pop, my favorite being Diet Pepsi. It
is used here without permission, but since I have purchased probably
thousands of dollars worth of Pepsi products, they should cut me a bit of
slack. Same with Little Debbie. If we ever bought stock, it would be in McKee
foods. At our house it is a national disaster if Sam doesn’t have circles
(AKA- Fudge Rounds), Rachel doesn’t have chocolate cupcakes, and Damon
doesn’t have Apple Flips. I prefer Swiss Rolls, but it’s been eons since I’ve
had one… *sigh* And this concludes the
author’s notes for this story. Have a lovely day, and please pick up all
trash and place in the receptacle nearest the exit. Thank you for visiting
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